Something has been happening in The Swamp over the course of the last year. A new cult is forming and not the dangerous insurrectionist QAnon one the FBI, media, and Congress keeps breathlessly warning us about.
This is led by their high priestess, one Speaker Nancy Pelosi. The Cult of the Mask can trace its origins back to late March 2020 when the divine council of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) and supreme deity St. Anthony Fauci began issuing edicts. Often transcribed directly from Mandarin, they were issued from on high through the ecumenical of the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) based strictly on “science” and “data”.
Praise be to Fauci. To attack him is to attack science itself.
As with the importance of certain types garb in other religions, a true believer signals their faith and devotion to The Cult through the slavish devotion to wearing The Mask. Now some heretics may question the effectiveness or need to wear The Mask, but to question The Almighty is blasphemy regardless on whatever his position happens to be on any given day. The Word must be taken and followed strictly on blind faith … because you know … “science”.
High Priestess Pelosi will now lead us in the Oath of Indoctrination.
The Cult has faced intolerance and hatred from non-believers like Congressman Devin Nunes who have repeatedly and publicly questioned their orthodoxy with his denials of “science”.
The evolution of The Mask in its importance to The Cult is an interesting one. Let’s go through the timeline of how we arrived at where we are today.
The early days of the pandemic were a more simple time. You already had a closet full of $300 designer scarfs, of course. This was a great opportunity to show them off, but there was only so long the Wild West bank robber look was going to be effective. Silly questions like, “What the hell does this have to do with science?!?” quickly started to emerge, so more drastic steps were needed to keep The Faithful in line.
For an ever so brief period of time, High Priestess Pelosi had her minions scour up some surgical masks of all different colors, but it proved too difficult to find ones to perfectly match each and every ensemble. And what’s the point of shutting down all the hair salons in San Francisco to get your hair done without dealing with the peasants if it’s just going to be overshadowed by a cheap facemask? Something definitely had to change.
The obvious, “science” based conclusion was to start wearing designer cloth masks. Sure all the research studies say wearing them is pointless and does nothing to stop the spread of the virus, but that’s not “science” (i.e. St. Fauci).
Importantly, the evidence just is and was not there to support mask use for asymptomatic people to stop viral spread during a pandemic. While the evidence may seem conflicted, the evidence (including the peer-reviewed evidence) actually does not support its use and leans heavily toward masks having no significant impact in stopping spread of the Covid virus.
From the American Institute for Economic Research (AIER.org) article ‘Masking: A Careful Review of the Evidence’
During this time, High Priestess Pelosi began to recognize the utility of The Mask in spreading The Word to The Faithful.
It could be used as an effective prop when selectively exploiting tragic events to maximize racial strife and sow social divisions, as any true prophet of the Woke Left is ought to do. Sure these displays of blatantly transparent pandering can be painful to look at simply due to the cringe factor, but The Mask helps project even more inauthentic outrage and condemnation in contrived photo ops.
The Mask could come in handy for doing other virtue signaling like pushing for legislative proposals expressly forbidden by the plain text of the U.S. Constitution.
Or used in ensembles with other virtue signaling accessories.
The Mask during this period tended to be the small, cute kind or others that sometimes could be awkward and ill-fitting.
Some other vanity pieces were thrown from a variety of sources.
… but it didn’t always go very well.
A better solution had to be found. When you’re the sorta of person accustomed to shelling out $24,000 for a pair of industrial sized refrigerators to store your $30-40 a pint ice cream shipped to your door while locking down the rest of the population, you have a certain kind of image to uphold. You need a better option as leader of the movement to convey the seriousness of the situation and the need to follow The Word of St. Fauci without question despite all logic and reason to the contrary.
Thankfully, as if by some blessing from Almighty Fauci himself, a solution was found in a line of boutique designer masks by Donna Lewis.
At $22 a pop, and with a full line of different colors …
… and designs, Pelosi now had all the high-end fashion accessories needed to keep public hysteria going for months or even years if necessary.
Now rearmed and retooled, High Priestess Pelosi now set out to spread The Word to the masses.
Next came another interesting development in the timeline, the evolution of The Neck Mask.
It’s a well known fact among inhabitants of The Swamp that Covid transmission is only possible while moving and on camera … because you know … “science”.
Pelosi found wearing a Face Mask around the neck instead was often a perfect solution. It doubled as a scarf-like fashion accessory and virtue signaled to the world for the need to wear masks without actually having to be inconvenienced by really having to wear the damn thing … brilliant!
It looked great on television helping to cover up that turkey neck while doing interviews for sycophantic media.
High Priestess Pelosi gave stirring sermons from the pulpit about the need to follow the “data” and the “science” about wearing The Mask while not really wearing The Mask.
She developed a following of loyal disciples like CNN reporter and mental midget Kaitlan Collins (who recently took a tongue lashing from President-select Biden for daring to ask a question not submitted beforehand for approval and outside of her predetermined order to be called on) who heeded The Word and embraced the pseudoscience to wear The Mask … although I guess social distancing wasn’t “a thing” on this day.
Until of course she was done barking like a petulant child at The Great Orange Satan or his spokesperson and the cameras were turned off … because “science”.
It went on and on like this seemingly without end or logic.
Sensing doubts creeping in, High Priestess Pelosi gave daily reminders of how the problem was so huge!!!
And sternly scolded doubters for their lack of faith in The Word of St. Fauci and warned it would lead to longer lockdowns and more suffering. But alas it came to no avail.
(That feeling you get when you realize people aren’t buying into your B.S. anymore.)
Now a lesser woman, someone with doubts about her faith in Faucism might’ve folded and just admitted reality. Masks have no basis in science and are really meant to dehumanization and create fear in the public.
But not our heroine. When doubt creeps in, Pelosi knew where to turn for guidance. All she had to do was to look to the All-knowing himself and follow by his divine example. Once she did that, the answer was so obvious. The solution was …
… to Go BIG!
The greater the size of one’s Mask, the greater one’s faith in The Word.
No more putting on The Mask just for the sake of strolling to the podium only to pull it down to spew hot air and germs all over the press briefing room. All the while nonsensically lecturing people on the need to wear The Mask.
Now she could scold the public with righteous indignation, confidently wearing The Mask while still spewing hot air and germs all over the press briefing room. She vowed however to remain masked until she was safely off camera and thereby unable to infect others.
Speeches about perpetual lockdowns don’t sound as Draconian when spoken through a cheerful butterfly pattern.
A full array of fruits and vegetables patterns helped add a hint of cheerfulness while gaslighting and inflicting untold misery onto the general public.
When it comes to The Mask, Pelosi worked the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was her true medium, a master. Like other great artists, she went through different creative phases.
She had her Red Period.
And of course the Blue Period.
She had masks for a variety of special occasions. Black masks for those times of mourning in order to pay respects.
… or shamelessly exploiting the tragic loss of a police officer; lying and covering up the circumstances of his passing for the latest hoax to achieve political power by the most divisive means possible.
Or while inspecting the troops, and probably wondering why the “crew-manned machine guns” she requested still haven’t shown up. We’re still trying to determine the exact moment she stopped referring to them as “stormtroopers” by the way.
There are however a limit to the variety of designs available even from Donna Lewis at any one time. There were regrettable situations when High Priestess Pelosi was forced to reuse* a mask like a savage.
The size of The Mask continued to grew in line with her faith and the level of Pravda-like propaganda being put out by the corporate media. By the day of President-select Biden’s first address to a largely empty joint session of Congress arrived, The Mask took up damn near half the screen.
Bad economic news, Big Tech and media failing to censor all accurate medical research information, and FOIA releases of St. Fauci’s letters to the faithful have dealt a crippling blow to The Cult of The Mask. It’s a shame to watch it fade because Donna Lewis had a completely new line of Summer and Autumn masks ready to be shipped overnight by the crateful. But fear not, the 2020 midterm and 2024 presidential elections are not too far away. So there’s a decent chance we could see a new variant or another pandemic come our way, and see The Cult of The Mask once again rise to prominence.
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